How to Drive in Mongolia

I’ve been here more than six months now, and have been taking detailed notes on how to drive a machine (car) Mongolia. Thus far, I have had only two opportunities to test my Mongolian driving abilities, so at this point, these are only theories and should be viewed as such. Here is the advice I offer.

First, you will need a car, preferably one from the reservation if you are reading this from Dakota. The older, the better; and if it has a blue body and red doors consider it a bonus. Not too big, mind you. When the Soviets put the streets down in Ulaanbaatar they made most of them one-way. Since then, they have become two way streets but when two cars take to it, sidewalk driving may be required. In the event the sidewalk is occupied, you may find yourself in a standoff with the oncoming traffic, both of you honking furiously insisting you were there first. These standoffs have been known to outlast some of history’s minor wars. However, should you find yourself in a larger car, consider it a blessing and a curse – it’s inevitable that you will be in an accident or two or three dozen before it’s all said and done. The larger the car, the better your chances.

Now that you have a car picked out, it’s time to get behind the wheel. It’s not important that your car is well maintained. Windows are optional. In the event the window(s) is/are gone, just cover the hole with plastic. If you are a thrifty person, plastic really is overkill and likely to be stolen by someone else who needs a “window”. You can just leave it open to enjoy the polluted city air. It will also be an advantage for later driving tips. If you don’t have functioning headlights, don’t worry. The sun comes up at 8am and sets at 5pm now that it’s winter, and to even the score most people don’t have headlights. You would actually have an unfair advantage if you did have headlights, so consider it a handicap to go against your driving skills.

Speaking of driving skills, none are really required here. If you are able to start a car, put it in gear, and honk the horn, you’re set. Defensive driving is a thing of the future in Mongolia. Pedestrians fill the streets at all hours, and some of them are drunk. You must use some caution when you come across them; however, if you take one or two out, you’re still in the learning stages. You needn’t worry. There are plenty more pedestrians. Other drivers on the road will not be courteous to you, even if you use the “Hi friend! Please let me into this mass of traffic so I can get to my destination three seconds faster!” hand gesture from the window. In order to perform this maneuver, simply roll down the window (if you have one) facing the side the traffic is coming from. Stick your arm out in a friendly gesture (not the one-finger gesture we Americans are so fond of), maybe smile a little, and pretend to thank them for stopping to let you merge with the disaster of traffic ahead of you. It’s imperative that you just pull out into the traffic as you are doing this. It’s like playing Russian roulette with a car. Maybe the other friendly drivers on the road will let you in, or maybe they will just tear off your bumper as they drive past you. Either way, it was nice of you to wave at them with your bare hand in the subzero temperatures. Losing a few fingers to frostbite as a new driver is also a possibility.

If you find yourself in Mongolia with a car but no job, do not fret. Anyone, and I mean anyone, can go as a taxi in Mongolia. Even today, one of my American friends said he was considering getting a rickshaw to earn a few dollars. But that’s another story. It’s estimated that there are 80,000 cars on the streets of Ulaanbaatar. That’s ten times the amount of cars ten years ago. However, there are nearly one million people in the city. If you do the math, you’ll realize many people need a taxi (or a rickshaw) to get around. That’s where you and the red-doored plastic-windowed Ford Escort come in (and you’ll be an exotic taxi if you are driving a Ford). All you need to do is fill your car with benzene and drive around the city. People will wave you down for a ride, and you pick them up. You needn’t worry that they are crazy ax-murderers or anything like that. Everyday people acting as taxi drivers is the craze here in Mongolia. Hitchhiking is encouraged to help the locals earn some extra cash. It’s not against the law.

On the topic of law, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of helpful police officers around to assist you in the event of a problem. However, about ten of them actually have a police car. If you see one waving at you to stop, it might cross your mind to just keep driving since he is on foot. I wouldn’t advise this. I would stop and chat with the nice man. He earns about $70/month and will offer to “punch” your driver’s license, or you can just pay him off, which in turn will help feed his children. The punches on your driver’s license are similar to the “earn a free coffee after ten stamps” cards you might get at a classy place like Starbucks. In Mongolia, however, after three or four such stamps, you earn a “free trip to jail”. It’s better to just pay the man off. You can rest assured the government will never see this fine, and nobody will ever know you ran over that pedestrian. It’s usually relatively cheap compared to similar fines in the USA – for example, running a red light might cost you $80 in the USA, but here it will only be about 2000 togrogs ($2) paid conveniently at the site of the crime. No messy court cases to worry about.

In the event that you are driving and see flashing lights in the rearview accompanied by sirens, it’s best to just haul ass. If you pull to the side of the road, you could cause a worse accident than the one they are racing to. If nothing else, an alarming number of people will honk at you wondering why you are pulling over. Yielding to emergency vehicles hasn’t been invented in Mongolia yet.

Signal lights may also confuse you. Sometimes the run into the traditional green, yellow, red system. But every once in a while you will find a tricky one – red, yellow, green. Kind of a “on your marks, get set, GO!” situation. The real nasty problem is when the electricity goes out. This occurs about once a month on the streets and on a more regular basis in the apartments, though most people don’t actually drive inside their apartment building. Intersections do NOT become four way stops when the lights go out. They become an opportunity to practice your “Please let me into traffic!” smile. Nobody yields, nobody moves, and nothing happens until the police show up or the lights come back on, which could be several hours or even days later. It’s best to always have a survival kit in your car in the event of this condition. It would be tragic to starve to death in an intersection of Ulaanbaatar. The police will find you, plastic cut from the driver’s side window, face on the horn in a frozen smile, hand gloveless as it dangles unmoving from the window making a final “Please let me into traffic, you nice drivers!” gesture. They may need the Jaws of Life to remove the red door from your blue car to pull you out. I assure you the Jaws definitely haven’t made it here yet.